To Know Beauty

close your eyes, and keep them so
she says as she exits the room
i hear the door make a sound i have never heard before
it closes, and a brisk wind dances with the leaves outside
i wait for a few seconds
then minutes
then hours
time crawls through me like a dagger
she is only in the next room
but i know that she is worlds away
my heart slows as i think of her smile
the room draws in and i feel alone for the first time
but the truth cannot be clearer
i have visions of a world without reason
without poise
and then i hear something fall
she laughs as she moves about in the next room
and then there is nothing
no noise
my thoughts grow wings once more
there are children playing outside
three of them i think, with a ball and stick
they laugh as if the world means nothing to them
still, there is no noise
i’ve heard nothing for a few minutes
are you ok in there, i ask as the walls grow silent
an early birthday gift, perhaps
or did her laughter leap towards the bedroom trance
i’m coming to check on you, eyes closed, i promise
the children disappear as my thoughts become focus
then wonder
a smile spreads across my mind
then wonder
chaos floods as i exit the room, but this is me
i call again
i imagine laughter, but there is none
there are boxes, old picture albums, some wrapping paper
i smile as i see her feet, perfectly aligned
then legs
then her thighs
then
wait
a smile turns to questions
to thoughts of yesterday, and the lies of tomorrow
she sits against the wall
still, alone, amidst happy memories and answered riddles
her eyes, still, in their homes
open and alarmed
a soft harp plays in the background
as if we’ve faded to a better time
she is lifeless, but perfect
i see the gift, unexpectedly
and then another, and then another
she is one, the box, another
and then next to her, a stick, with colour
it is tiny and small, but the greatest gift
she is beautiful, even now
we would have been a great team
i would have been a great husband
she would have been a wondrous goddess
i would be a good father
i would have been a great father
time dulls its blade on my forehead
she laughs, and i stare in confusion
oops, sorry, she says
but close your eyes….and keep them so

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