I Am Not Here

what does it matter if all the world falls
slowly sprawling down that rabbit hole
looking for the invisible, intangible feelings of gold
eat me
words emptier than a promise on the first day of spring
there is change anyway
a real difference to be seen
now in the world it burns through the fibre
through the digital imprints of teenage lunacy
abuse and full frontal nudity on every screen from here to the queen
careless musings over love and its effects on the mind
the heart is no longer there
poisoned by the alcohol and all the drugs
legal or not, the coffee you drank is no more harmful than a shot
to the head with your first paycheck spent on hatred
vomit induced patronage at your local restaurant
the food laced with regret and chemical truths that run deep
a facade for the real goings on
down in the market the farmers are barking at her
peddling wares more natural than the goddess herself
shredding her face with insults that are laced with illegal permits
and the wealth
leaders more blind to the struggles of Every-Man and his children
a suit and tie won’t bring you love
lust maybe, trust?
or maybe all that’s left of that old thing is the rust
the barren wells of humility and acceptance
Is that just?
waiting for entropy to pass the entrance test
to the college you’ll study at for years to come
wasting your gold on rum made with good grades
a manic depressant society bred from parental slavery
depraved? well aren’t you brave
walk about the earth in you designer skin
shoelaces
built off the backs of children and their good graces
death
purity most precious in a world filled with tears
sing sweet songs of celebrity wedding thongs
the gentle moan of a woman bearing her soul to the men of cloth
the men of substance
what say you and doth
throw yourself down so that you may be stepped on
walk around knowing that you’ll never belong
remember the child you once saw in the mirror
well they’re gone now
forgive yourself for never knowing how
or from where or from when
the love you thought existed was never to begin
never to flower as the lotus coil tower
throw yourself from the roof of that mountain
from the steppes of society and know this
notice
own it
focus on flaws that are realer than god
know that you’ll never be everything if you cannot look down
down into the core of what matters
earth and her offspring, you and your magic
live long and wander
wonder
what is most tragic
to live a life of regret in the shadow of them
the fish that swim barren, in schools that go nowhere
to wish your were older in a world with no colour
no creed or disciple
and no falsehoods to steer you from others
no locks for the doors to your freedom
no blanket on the child of your future
no rose for the one that you’d kill for
no god for the sightless
no faith for your fathers
no life without death
in a world that has only the latter
no songs from a muse
no words to amuse
no straw for the water you wish you could use
no drink for the wicked
no light for the meek
no tears in a voice you forever did seek
no ash from the fire
no bird to bring peace
no carbon to leave behind
for the future we sink
no music
only silence for those that we leave to the brink
on this sphere we roam
beauty made clear in eyes that have never seen
senses renewed with light of a new day
run free in the cold
of a world you could never imagine
a world where your familiars are with you
spirits of binding, spirits of old
free from the savage depths of anger
staring at screens that make you feel empty
seasons upon seasons of lives that are plenty
consume the time that does not exist
in a world where cancer is checked of a list
i didn’t know this when it started
when the first rains fell on a world of fire
when ink was first discovered as an endless well
black upon page
used to turn heads in the guise of a sage
freedom and fandom are blurred into noise
and love becomes obsession
no happiness
no poise
inspiration falls down when we suffer in silence
when we linger in doubt and our lives become quiet
no more green
no more grey
no more blue
no more red
only ash to wipe away
tumbling still we find ourselves
down the alleyways of rabbits and elves
drink me
words from a foreign beauty swing and miss
but we are thrown from the rafters as we are the kiss
we are the echoes let loose upon earth
not the noose
no more hungering for questions and answers
no more reasoning with animals
and there’ll be no tea after
a funeral procession for the world that you knew
nostalgia and a smile won’t get you through
now you have to walk hand in hand with your self
into the great beyond you imagined new
you have to live with this
a glitch in the cerebral slipstream of your mind
in vino matters not when you cannot be kind
cosmic key strokes on the road to somewhere new
linger on sweet creature
linger on
this game waits for no one and nothing
so remember your training
your heart is not wrong

Gabriel Michael Rain Veihalis

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